Modern Dating pt. 2: The Culprits of Expectation By Julie Bozzay

Like in the last part of this series, I am compelled to bring up media. Expectations are set in what we have been shown and unfortunately I grew up watching Say Anything and To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. Now I spend my time hoping for a meet-cute, and while it is possible that I will have one, it’s unlikely. 

We have already covered the disappointing communication in modern dating, but now let’s go over the culprits of our expectations. Jane Austen is one of the biggest culprits. Her most popular novel, Pride and Prejudice, has a special place in the heart of the world's romantics. While her story is undoubtedly amazing, it has created a certain narrative. Mr. Darcy is a brooding, pompous, nearly insufferable man upon first impression; but after time, Elizabeth comes to see a far more gentle side of him. I am not completely sure this is a good thing. 

When I run into a brooding, pompous, nearly insufferable person, I take their behavior at face value. Treat others the way you want to be treated. The romance between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy has manufactured the idea that if you are willing to tolerate poor behavior, the rotten fruit may have a sweet center. While this is a romantic notion, I would not wish for anyone to endure cruelty in the hopes that their partner holds a kinder soul than the one they have shown you. Mr. Darcy leaves many to yearn for the person that treats you poorly, expecting that they will make an exception for you. However, as a girl that loves romance, pride and prejudice is timeless. 

Now for a more modern story, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, one of the modern day classics. Here we deal with the Fake-Dating Trope, it is a favorite of many, but also wildly unrealistic, not to mention that it often starts with the intent of deception. Lara Jean and Peter begin their journey by agreeing to fake date in order to make Peter's ex jealous and Lara Jean’s crush think she’s over him. Starting with deception is never a good sign, but for them it worked out. They captivated audiences and fell in love just how everyone wants to: After seeing the vulnerable side of one another they grew closer and found solace in one another. Once again though, it is wildly

unrealistic. If you have the one in a million experience of being asked to fake date someone in order to make their ex jealous: first of all say no because manipulation isn’t cool, second remember that they still like their ex, and third go get a partner that sees your value beyond revenge. 

Dating is really hard and books and movies don’t make it any easier. I believe that you should never lower your expectations even if they came from a movie, which I know sounds like I’m contradicting myself, but you will find your own version of a movie. Dating sucks in this day and age and media most certainly lies, but in the most cheesy way possible, love finds a way.